I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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