office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
