Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
