I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
