that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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