i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
