I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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