bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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