the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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