you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize