you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
