Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
