Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
