i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is Oprah even human
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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