You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just google imaged poop.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
