I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
