you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
