i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
