After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
