Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize