She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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