so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
