Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
