Yo dont text me then not text me
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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