Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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