Please, let me fuck your mom
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
