If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i out mim tonsoeep
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