You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
