the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
