If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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