White coat. Heels.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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