Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
