OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
