Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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