Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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