i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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