let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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