is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
