the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my shit smells like andre
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
