Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
