I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
two words...techno handjob
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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