so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
