The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
