3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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