So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
