tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
