Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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