You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
