piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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