I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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