A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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