day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
