I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
