so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
