I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize