Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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