I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
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Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
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Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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