Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
