you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We have so much sex to catch up on
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
