Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
well you can't waste a boner
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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