At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
