it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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