Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
