why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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