Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
