the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Randomize
