Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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