My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
