No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
