I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
