Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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