If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize