There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
